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Thursday September 09, 2010

Vechara Singh by Kalwant Singh at Mon Jun 23, 2003 12:32:55

Oh what a great parlty' said Vechara Singh to his newly wedded wife Preeto, but she shook her head as she couldn't hear him. The Dhol players were standing right behind where they were doing Bhangra. Vechara leaned forward and shouted into Preeto's ear `Meh khia WHAT A GREAT PAR.......,' when suddenly he could feel a horrendously, horrible torrent of gas about to be released , he ran into the nearest field and `BWAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' He made the biggest pahdd(fart) in the history of mankind, it was so loud that he was almost knocked out by the smell. He knew drink and spicy meat curries was the cause of his pahdd problem but there was no way he could avoid it on his wedding night. The best he could do was to keep it a secret from Preeto.

The wedding ceremony had been pretty boring earlier in the day, but these things have to be endured.......NOW THE PARTLY WAS GREAT. Vechara had never seen so much alcohol before and every one he met insisted he had a drink with them. Then the food, what could he say about the food...it was a meat-maniac's dream come true. He drank and ate to his heart's content....after all, this was his wedding party.

He vomitted a few times that night and he farted almost continously. Any spare moments he had he would use to rush into the fields to relieve himself. But it was a great parlty and the hangover he had in the morning was so bad that he had to stay in bed for 2 days to recover.....but it was truly a GREAT PARLTY!

One week later Preeto left her parents home to come and live with him. He renewed his vow to stay away from alcohol and meat curries. If Preeto found out he had a pahdd problem she would surely leave him. A few weeks passed like this, then one day a local village boy brought him a message from Preeto. She wrote, `Ajh gharr jaaldhi ajhi, I've got a surprise for you'. So Vechara left the fields at lunch time and as he took a short-cut through the town, the spicy aroma of meat curry wafted over from a small cafe. He couldn't resist and on entering the cafe he ate to his heart's content and washed it down with a couple of bottles of jack daniels. As soon as he left the shop, he could feel a horrendously, horrible torrent of gas about to be released, he ran into the nearest field and `BWAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' the pahdd came ripping out like thunder. He wasn't worried though, there were quite a few miles to walk before he got home and he felt sure his system would have cleared itself up by the time he reached Preeto.

Before he'd even entered through the front door, Preeto came running out full of youthful enthusiasm. She told him to quickly wash and clothe himself. He came back and she tied a blindfold on him. She made him promise not to peek even a little bit, lead him into the dining room she sat him at the head of the table. Just then one of the neighbour's servants came knocking at the front door, Preeto told Vechara to sit quielty blindfolded until she got back. Vechara could hear Preeto talking and suddenly felt a horrendously, horrible torrent of gas being released. He waved his arms about to get rid of the smell before Preeto came back. Just then he released another one,`BWAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' but this time it was so loud that he feared Preeto may have heard it. He heard Preeto finishing her conversation and shutting the front door, he felt around the table for a napkin and grabbing it by the edge he flapped it up and down to get rid of the smell.

He could hear Preeto approaching the doorway, so he put the napkin down and folded his arms, put on an innocent smile and felt proud of himself for covering up the smell.

Preeto apologised for taking so long and Vechara gave his word that he hadn't peeked out of the blindfold even a little bit. She quickly removed his blindfold and yelled, `HAPPY BIRTHDAY!'.

To Vechara's horror, around the dinner table were seated : both his in-laws, the local giani, as well as 5 of Preeto's girlfriends with their mothers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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